image Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

WASHINGTON—Shortly after making Rep. Mark Meadows (R-NC) cry in a contentious phone call with the House Freedom Caucus head Thursday, President Trump quickly added yet another knockout nickname for the U.S. senator from California following a false claim that he has a "beautiful tan." "I swear that woman looked like a bikini-clad hound," Trump told reporters, before adding, "She's a big fat liar. And the answer to this...it's not going to be dimples anymore. It's going to be sarcasm." Trump then added that he plans to bring up Sen. Kamala Harris's marital history in the coming days, following which her name will be permanently muzzled in order to prevent another tearful rejection of an invitation to a future press conference. "I'm sitting down, and suddenly you start tearing up, and you get this zing in your eye—it's almost like you were crying real tears, instead of just cringing," Meadows told reporters after he was struck down by Trump's nickname, noting that he had even failed to see the funny side of the nickname given that Harris is roughly six inches taller than him. "I feel like Trump fucked me, and I hate him, and I swear I'm just gonna have my own goddamn back."